The Question: Who am I?
When will I finally stop asking myslef the question “Who am I?”
Study shows that a person who asks themselves the question ‘Who am I?’ are either struggling with their identity and are searching for a core sense of themselves, this is quite normal especially in your adolescence years but you should not put pressure on yourself to find this answer.
I recall being five or six and one night while everyone was asleep I sat in the veranda and looked at the sky, the sky was clear that night, I remember feeling worried, afraid as it was real dark and late. I remember thinking about the future;how would the future be, that is my life. Would it be better? How would I be?The question that played continuously in my mind that night and I remember the emotion that that question brought to me was fear. I asked myself, “Would Fear ever go away?”
Now I'm seventeen and I recall countless times for years holding onto memories of my younger self and all the promises and pledges that I made for myself and I found myself trying to keep that word, trying to please that little girl. That little girl that was afraid to not be a child, afraid to be an adult. As adults had always wished to be “a child again,” and she didn't want to have to say those words, she vowed to herself that she would never say those words, and I tried to keep those pledge of not maturing fast enough as then I would have to be an adult;something I had watched to be painful, had almost despised. When I was sixteen due to situations in life I saw adults to be the reason for why people are killed, for why people do wrong, honestly I blamed adults for everything until I realised through God, that no matter how much you do for a person good or bad, the decision is always theirs to make. God gives us choices and opportunities and the decision at times is ours to do right or wrong. (If you're familiar with God chosen people-The Israelites Psalm chapter 78 shows this.)
So the question still remains ‘Who am I?’ and then I stopped asking myself the question ‘Who am I?’ and started asking myself the question ‘Who does God want me to be?’ When I began answering that question I was disgusted with myself as I saw traits in my character such as being selfish,lustful,a liar,etc and I could not have been ignorant to change and because change brings anxiety it was difficult for me to dispose of these traits, and such traits don't vanish in a matter of days or weeks but it takes months and with God I had not realised that I had not become but was becoming who he wanted me to be. So then the question changed from ‘Who am I?’ to ‘Who does God want me to be?’
Sincerely,
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Jeremiah 29:13-14.
“And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart, And I will be found of you, saith the Lord.”
You can read the continuation of Who am I?-on my next Blog update.
Please note I am not specialized in any field nor certificated, therefore these Blogs are testimonial.
Written on 09/02/2021
